#idm #idmmusic #indie
#idm #idmmusic #indie
A few days
On September 7th I will be 25 years old. You’d think I’d be happy about it and planning away a party with family and friends, but I’m not.
I’m going to be quite honest in the hopes that I can help somebody who was/is like me. When I was 11 I was diagnosed with severe depression, and anxiety. I took all the pills, spoke to all the therapists and psychiatrics. I even attempted to take my life a few times. I still feel like taking my own life sometimes, but I never do. I’m too afraid to, and I always give myself that “extra” day just incase things do feel better. All in all, I struggle every day silently.
I remember when my 18th birthday was coming up and I told myself I would be gone by then. I promised myself that it would be okay to leave on my 18th because I was an adult and could make my own decisions. I wasn’t happy where I was in anything. My relationship, dropping out of school, etc.
I wasn’t happy with anything, and nights were the worst for me. I always felt like the nuisance of my family. I was the reason they were in debt, it was ME who did this to them.
I quit school, I couldn’t handle the looks and my anxiety ate me alive everyday. There would be days I’d just cry forever because I felt scared, panicked, and alone.
I’ve done everything to numb the pain that I could get my hands on. I cut, I overdosed, I fought myself like I was the enemy.
Please remember that you aren’t the enemy. You are fighting against something that is REAL to you. It isn’t you who is the problem, and it never will be. Depression and anxiety have the worst way of making you think you are the reason and that you deserve this. You DONT.
I’m turning 25, and I’m now just realizing that my family put themselves into debt because they love me. They didn’t want to lose me. I am something to them, and many others. Sure I might be broken, but they love every little piece of me. I got my GED at 18, and now I’m in my own apartment with a man who loves me, even if I am broken. Things aren’t going to be sunshine and rainbows, and I can’t promise they will ever be okay… but remember, take each day as it is and find the small things in life. It may just be something as small as a song, or movie, but live for that. Live for you.
I will soon be starting ketamine iv therapy. It’s my last hope it feels for a new life, but I’m hopeful. 🖤